My First Dog

When my husband and I got married and moved to our first house, the big question was when – not if – we were going to get a dog. We decided we wanted huskies (more than one, naturally) and began our search. We found Loki.

He was an adorable, beautiful pup, with one brown eye and one blue eye. When we met him, he had a couple litter mates, but they were already spoken for. We were thrilled to get him and bring him home.

Loki was my first dog. I grew up surrounded by dogs – many of my friends had at least one and my cousins, who lived next door, had several dogs over the years. I had always wanted one, but it wasn’t in the cards. Until now. Loki immediately brought all sorts of love and joy to our lives, even when he wouldn’t sleep at night or when we had to continually bring him outside to use the bathroom. Pretty soon we got a second husky puppy, Shadow, and he and Loki grew up as brothers.

When my first son was born, there were questions about how well the dogs would adjust and would it be safe to have such big dogs around them. While we made sure to keep an eye on everyone, it was clear almost immediately that Loki and Shadow both had accepted this baby as part of their pack. And the same was true a few years later when our second son was born.

Watching my children grow up with these dogs brought a whole other level of happiness and joy. When we would do “tummy time” with the baby, the dogs would lay right down next to him and Loki would often give me the evil eye, as if to say, “Hey moron, this child is crying and clearly doesn’t like this. Aren’t you going to do something about it?” Then he’d turn back to the crying child and gently push him with his nose, as if to say, “Hey, it’s ok. We’re here for you.”

As the boys became mobile toddlers, Loki and Shadow accepted the very hard pats or occasional fur pulling with good grace. They quickly learned that the high chair meant all sorts of yummy tidbits were going to be coming their way and they saved me a whole lot of vacuuming. Soon they had two-legged friends to play with, inside and out.

The dogs were great companions for walks. They helped me feel safe on nights where I was home alone. When I was sad, they would comfort me. When I was stressed and it was coat-blowing time, I found a sort of zen comfort in brushing them or picking out the tufts of fur that were coming free.

Last year, we lost Shadow to complications from a cancer we didn’t even know he had. The inseparable duo was suddenly down to a solo and Loki was so depressed that we were sure we were going to lose him soon after. Within a few weeks, we made the decision to bring in two new puppies, Sif and Nessa. Old man that he was, Loki soon livened back up and took his job as teacher/parent seriously. He played with them and corrected them when they got too boisterous or didn’t give him the proper respect. Even as his arthritis began to slow him up, he still did his best to run with them.

Unfortunately, he began developing a tumor on his belly. It didn’t seem to be causing him too much trouble, even as it grew bigger and bigger. But we knew difficult decisions were on our horizons .

Sadly, last night, part of his tumor burst and by this morning, we could smell that infection had set in. It wasn’t much of a choice anymore. Thankfully, our vet allowed us to be in the room (masked) with him as we let him go.

The house isn’t the same without him. It’s been a few hours and I’ve already lost track of how many times I’ve had a split second thought that I needed to go let Loki back in. I haven’t been able to move his food bowl yet. I keep waiting for him to come over here and lay his nose across my keyboard or poke me or paw me to let me know it’s time to pay attention to him. I’m so grateful for our other pups, because I don’t think I could handle a dog-free house. But we now have two holes that can’t be filled.

But as we walked out of the vet’s office, carrying an empty leash, we sat in the car and shared stories about Loki and Shadow and how much we loved them. Pretty soon we were smiling, recalling things like the time Shadow got loose and jumped into a freezing cold lake and Loki just sat there and shook his head as Shadow scrambled to get back to us. We have so many pictures to reminisce over as well.

It’s a bargain we make when we bring a pet into our lives. We get an amazing companion and years (hopefully) of love and happiness, knowing that, sadly, those years are going to be limited. But those good times make the pain and sorrow of good-bye worth it, even if it’s hard to remember that amidst the tears and the lack of clicking claws across the floor.

Good-bye Loki. You were the best boy.